The X’s and Y’s of Dating

This article was written by guest author, Dot (she/her) about her own flink. It is their first Valentines day of many! Happy Valentines to this couple and every connection out there. If you would like to write your own or have questions regarding writing one, please fill out suggestion card https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSe4yNgJRuTnUbAymMdHsVsneV-nuVOuh7Cs12cz0e8pQW550w/viewform?usp=header . I will reach out as soon as possible, to connect elsewhere :)

Dating in this day and age is tough. Finding your person in of itself can feel like an uphill battle that is setting you up for failure. From fighting against hook up culture and different maturity levels all the way to political factors that affect our decisions on who and how to go about dating. Despite the many challenges we may face in the dating world, there is hope! There are good, genuine, kind people in the world; and once you find yours it’s important to do what you can to make them feel safe and cared for in your relationship. Some of the most important factors that i’ve identified personally are trust building/communication, loving in the way they need to be loved, and ensuring you both feel safe and heard in your relationship. 


The most important part of a relationship (in my opinion) is the trust and communication piece. Not only can it be one of the more difficult things to gain, but it can also be the easiest to break. In my experiences with my current partner, trust and communication is something that we’ve worked really hard at over the past few months. My partner comes from a place of tending to be closed off about his feelings and having a hard time communicating emotions; even the positive ones. As someone who is typically ready and able to communicate and share my thoughts, it’s been an adjustment and a learning curve for myself with a partner who struggles in that aspect. The most helpful thing that we have had in the whole journey of learning one another has been willingness. He has the willingness to open up as he’s able and I’ve had the willingness to learn patience and to go at his pace. None of it is possible without two people who are willing to work with one another to grow and be better for each other. It can be scary to let someone in, to be honest, to be vulnerable- but the reward is a stronger and more resilient relationship with your person. 

Trust can also be fostered through other avenues that may seem a little less direct. Consistently making your partner feel important and cared for is another crucial part of increasing trust and the overall bond of your relationship. Everyone has ways that they best receive affection and love. This can be broken down into the 5 love languages: quality time, physical touch, words of affirmation, gift giving, and my personal favorite- acts of service. It’s important to learn the ways that your partner best receives love and feels cared for. The way you show care and affection may not be how they best receive it which may make it difficult for them to recognize it as such. For instance, I am a big acts of service girly which means it makes me feel cared for when my partner goes out of their way to take something off of my plate that I would have to deal with. For this example we can say running my car through the car wash for me. If my partner comes home and gives me a hug and tells me I look pretty, I may appreciate that but it may not make me feel as loved as if he were to go out of his way to wash my car for me. Personally, I think that every love language is important to have in your relationship but paying attention to what feels best and most natural for your partner makes a world of difference. I’ve linked below the website that my partner and I used to identify our love languages, take it with a grain of salt and have fun! 

The last thing that I feel is important to address is being with someone that you feel aligned with. This can mean anything from morals and religion all the way to politics. In the current political atmosphere, the conversation surrounding your political views is a tough one to avoid and honestly I don’t think it’s one that should be avoided at all. With the state of politics over the past few years, differing political views often mean drastic differences in moral standpoints. With that being said, it’s important to have those difficult conversations. No one likes to talk politics, especially when it’s with a new potential partner that you’re excited about. I know that when my partner and I first started talking, I was really nervous to feel out what his political views were. This was all happening right around the election in November so the anxieties were especially high. I knew that I couldn’t think about starting a long term partnership with someone who had drastically different opinions than me when it came to things such as women's rights, abortion, etc. I ended up extremely fortunate to find the person that I did, especially living in a deep red state, that agreed with and supported the opinions and views that I feel so strongly about. So have the conversation ya’ll. Stand true to yourself and don’t let the lure of a romantic relationship have you falter in your beliefs. Be with someone who supports you and fundamentally agrees with your core beliefs. I promise they’re out there. <3